Why do you believe what you do about God? Have there been times that you doubted and why? During periods of crisis when your faith has been sorely tested, what did you do? Were there times when you watched as events unfolded and you knew that the Lord was the one who placed you right where you were and for a purpose? Have you ever decided to turn your back on God? What caused that and how did you respond? Please share those “it had to be God” stories here as well as your stories of unbelief.
April 18, 2009
April 19, 2009 at 6:53 pm
I suggested this thread to Karen, and I really do have something to say. It’s just involved and I don’t have time to type it out right this minute!
I would love to hear anyone else’s thoughts while I finish up everything I have to do tonight.
April 19, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Well. For a while now, I’ve operated as one who no longer believes in God.
It’s been kind of a long process; I was raised Christian, did the whole Sunday School/youth group/progressed to Women’s Bible Study that a million zillion American women do in the course of life.
A whole lot of them don’t ever really question it, and sometimes I wish I’d remained one of them.
Once I started genuinely studying the Bible, and what it really says, well, it led me to disbelieve a whole lot more than I believed.
I mean, come on, the Old Testament? Creation? Couldn’t a real God have done better? It doesn’t help that I work in a health care field where I see His glorious achievement–humans–gone wrong in a myriad of ways.
But I have a fondness for those I see as truly following Christ, and so I read Internet forums where such people post. Their lives and testimony point me to the fact that sometimes, it can only be God.
Back to a year ago. I was facing a very tragic moment in my life, one from which I will never recover. It was also one of the times I became involved in a, shall we say, discussion, here at TW.
I, as usual, espoused the unpopular position. At one point I apologized and said that I was going through a hard time in my personal life, at which point many of those who’d disagreed with me contacted me privately and offered prayer and support.
Cindy K. was one of those people. We exchanged emails, and I was very grateful that someone with whom I’d been arguing with could be so gracious, and even loving.
Here is where we get to the point of the thread. Cindy revealed to me that she had had a dream, and that she didn’t at all understand the details of it.
When she told me, I was stunned. I am hesitant in how much to reveal of my personal live, especially since I get the sense that many of you aren’t fond of me, so suffice it to say that this dream described my situation precisely, so exactly that there is no way she had this dream unless God sent it.
I had not told her what my personal crisis entailed, but after she told me of her dream, I did tell her. She was equally stunned.
A year later I still cling to this as proof that God does exist.
I have a couple of other not quite so dramatic but still cool stories, but I am hoping some of the rest of you share as well.
April 20, 2009 at 1:34 am
For many years I felt inadequate for my lack of “cool stories” but I have always seen and known evidence of God’s existence.
We were very isolated and poor growing up, but there were times that we were blessed with food in very God-like ways . . . We received a package in the mail once, with non-perishable food items, baby clothes, and money from a total stranger who included a note that God had given her our address in a dream . . .
Another time, a bag of groceries was left at the end of our driveway when I think we had only ten cents to our name. These things happened when I was very young . . .
As an adult, letting everything fall away that I had ever believed, except Christ alone, and then God bringing me back to life and revealing grace to me–which I had never known, due to religion and legalism–is completely a beautiful miracle . . .
Healed from deep depression . . .
Kept from suicide . . .
Wrist healed literally overnight from excruciating pain from a former injury–I could barely even bend it, much less lean on it or complete simple tasks like opening a window, and I cried out to Him, “How can I type this book?”, went to bed, and woke up to NO PAIN and none since; my wrist is fully functional except for normal wear, tear, work and age . . . totally God.
For me, I find that the further I go from “religion” the more real and near God is to me. His deep healing from some very immobilizing emotional, spiritual and physical wounds leave me with no doubt whatsoever of His existence and His very real presence in my life.
I did not know this God growing up–the gods of my fathers smothered the life out of me–almost literally. The God that I have come to know loves me for my being, not my doing; His love is not contingent upon my performance; this God gives rest to the soul, and does not crush the soul with darkness and oppression. I never knew what that was like–whether human or divine form.
So I would say I never doubted Him per say–but my view of Him, yes. What I had been taught of Him and His ways, yes. I doubted the traditions of men and many of the accepted interpretations of biblical passages. The Bible was used as an instrument of fear and manipulation. God has healed all of this in very indisputable ways. It is late so I am not typing very eloquently but I am passionate about this–God has brought me from both darkness and death into the light of His presence, mercy and grace. I still have struggles that are deep and that ache from time to time but it is different now. At last I know what it is to have joy–not the pop-christian-culture concept of “joy in my heart” but a deep, resonating element of serenity that has been shaped by sorrow and refined by the hand of God, a peace that passes all understanding and is a direct gift from my Lord.
April 20, 2009 at 6:28 am
Hillary said: “At last I know what it is to have joy–not the pop-christian-culture concept of “joy in my heart” but a deep, resonating element of serenity that has been shaped by sorrow and refined by the hand of God, a peace that passes all understanding and is a direct gift from my Lord.”
This really blessed me this morning. I am preparing to speak at a woman’s luncheon this weekend and was given the topic of “to whom much is given much will be required.” As I studied and prayed about what I am to say, I kept having the picture of the many gifts the Lord gives to us and expects us to use for His glory alone and the gift of suffering is one of those gifts. Here is part of what I will say:
“Suffering is a gift because it reminds us of what Jesus endured and Scripture promises us that if we are to be like Him, we must suffer with him. In fact, 1 Peter tells us that we are to rejoice when we experience suffering because God’s glory is revealed through it.
Suffering also bears witness to the sovereignty of God. Through our suffering we have a glimpse of God’s divine plan for our lives. We can come to the place of rest in Him because he know he has no plan B for us, only a plan A that he is working out of His good pleasure for His own glory and He has graciously allowed us to be a part of that plan!
Suffering reminds us that God alone is our refuge, a very present help in time of need and that we are to cry out to Him: “Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart fail: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.”
Suffering shows us how weak and needy we truly are and how able and apt God truly is: 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
We understand these attitudes but what does God expect us to do with them if we are to be good stewards of the gift of suffering? I believe that one of the greatest purposes for suffering is to allow us the opportunity to minister to others, to serve others by comforting them with the same comfort we have been comforted with.
In the classic story Pilgrim’s Progress, the main character, Christian, comes upon a bog, a murky pit and cannot see the bottom of that pit or anything that is in it. Not paying attention, he stumbles off the path and into the pit that is called the Slough of Despond. He wallows around, trying to get out of this mess but he is carrying a burden on his back and the weight of it causes him to begin to sink, further and further down. He cannot see any way out when he hears a voice. It is a man called Help who calls out to him, “just go to the steps, go to the steps and climb out” but he cannot do so. And then Help shows him where those steps are so he can get out of the pit.
Each of us has had done some time in the slough of despond. We have each had our own burdens that have kept us from rising above the miry pit. How many of us have needed the encouragement or the kind word from the friend who had already been in the pit and who knew where the steps were located? Those of us who know the location of the steps must show them to others.”
I may share that quote you gave about suffering being a gift…..thank you for sharing that.
April 20, 2009 at 6:40 am
Marcia,
As I read what you wrote, I also came back to that verse: “Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart fail: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:25-26
The times that people have failed me and I have experienced loneliness and heartbreak and a complete sense of my own inabilities and failures, all I can think of is that God is the ONLY one who is trustworthy. Rather than blaming Him for others’ sins, I look at Him as being heartbroken as well. Do you remember what the Lord said when He saw the people in Noah’s day That he repented of ever having made them. God hates sin.
At the same time, I also have to remember that people are weak, just as I am, and are broken and damaged by the ravages of sin. The Lord remembers our frame and takes compassion on us. Psalm 103:14: “For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.”
I also have confidence that the Lord has plans that are bigger than anything I could imagine. Deuteronomy 29:29 says “the secret things belong to the Lord our God.” We look at what happens to us or to those we love and we grieve. But we cannot see the whole picture, the big picture of what God is doing. Perhaps those grievous sins and the burdens of them that someone carries will be the very thing the Lord uses to bring them to salvation one day. We do not know, we can only trust that God is sovereign and if He isn’t sovereign in all things, He is sovereign in nothing.
April 20, 2009 at 7:30 am
Hillary, I think yours is the coolest story of all.
Karen, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to share that.
April 20, 2009 at 9:23 am
Aww Marcia, thank you!
Karen . . . I am humbled and honored that you have been blessed by the bleary-eyed rambles of post-midnight jumbles of thought! Suffering is indeed a gift and I can also say that because of how God has made Himself known to me, I can also truly be thankful for it.
I pray your talk goes well this morning!
April 20, 2009 at 9:26 am
OOPS, I mean this weekend!
April 20, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Marcia,
I don’t post often anymore, but I read most everything eventually, and I’ve often thought of telling you that, while I’m sure we don’t always agree on some things, I share in many of your frustrations and desire for peace and simplicity in so many of these issues of discussion. I think we both have known the weariness that comes of trying to sort it all out, and in doing it alongside fellow imperfect people. In short, I’ve had a great fondness for you, even when we wouldn’t always agree, and would truly miss you if you ever truly went away from this site. So, in case you ever doubt it, there are people here who like you, quite a lot.
Love, Alisa
April 20, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Aww, thank you, Alisa. You didn’t have to say that, and I greatly appreciate it.
So, another story.
Shortly after the above incident, my older girl brought up the fact that her favorite band, Hawk Nelson, was playing in Wisconsin in a venue an hour from Chicago.
Chicago is our city, me and my girl. We have done a mother-daughter trip once a year since forever, and in the past few years we’ve included my younger daughter.
I promptly started stalking Hotwire; our family loves to travel, and I’m the queen of the good deal. I could not find anything reasonable within the downtown Chicago area; there must have been some convention or something going on that weekend.
I hated to do it, but I made reservations at a suburban hotel, rationalizing to the girls, who, I will admit, are spoiled, that it would still be fun, we could take the train downtown whenever we wanted, etc.
I kept checking the online bargain sites, though, and did eventually find a downtown hotel at a reasonable rate.
But the reservation I had already made was non-refundable.
April 20, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Continued…You know, the times I have spent with my daughters, just us, in Chicago, walking around, enjoying the luxury of a nice hotel–well, those are memories I can’t put a price on. So I decided I would go ahead and book the downtown rooms, even though I knew I would have to eat the price of the others.
I started thinking about giving the hotel room away to someone; who did I know who might want a suburban Chicago hotel room for weekend? Several people crossed my mind, and then, out of, I swear, nowhere, I thought of a woman I knew only online, who lived near Chicago with her family, and wrote a blog I read every now and then.
I remembered her devotion to her family and how it inspired me; how one of her children had a life-threatening illness, but how she still trusted God for everything, and in such a sweet way.
I felt odd about emailing her out of nowhere and offering this hotel room, but I figured it was better than just throwing the money away. I knew from her blog that they didn’t have a whole lot of extra money, so I thought that maybe they could just take the kids, relax, hang out by the pool, and that’s what I said to her.
I had no way of knowing that she and her husband had made plans to go away alone that weekend for a much needed break. I couldn’t know that they had lined up family to watch the kids, and that they were so disappointed to realize that their budget just wouldn’t allow this getaway.
When I emailed her, after thinking of her totally at random, I had NO CLUE that she had just prayed that God would work it out that she and her husband would still be able to get away that very weekend I was offering.
You may say that this was a coincidence, and maybe it was. But why was she the one put on my mind at the exact time she was praying?
I do, still, think it was God.
April 21, 2009 at 11:23 am
Marcia,
I really love those stories. I have had a few “God moments” like that. I don’t have time now, but I’ll just say that there were times when it was little stuff that he just wanted me to remember that he was there, and there have been other times when it was like he was orchestrating wonderful things all for my benefit.
April 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Thanks for the stories, ladies! I love hearing them! I have a few similar stories, but unfortunately am not able to share them in this public of a forum… I’ll try to think of one I can share though.
May 14, 2009 at 7:56 pm
I’m absolutely loving reading these stories! (Hope y’all don’t mind my popping in. I read here sometimes, but I haven’t posted in ages.)
I’ve never really lost faith. In fact, faith is one thing I’ve always had. There are times I doubt, but I always come straight back to belief. God is truly too big for me to fully comprehend.
My biggest thing, I think, involves my first job out of college. I was offered a teaching position at a high school, and I had the strong feeling that I was meant to go there. Totally a God-placement thing.
It was the worst 2 years of my life.
I had to share a classroom with a mentally-ill teacher, who would come in every day while I was teaching to spy on me, then tell stories in the teacher’s lounge. (She eventually had a nervous breakdown and left.) The assistant principals all liked me, but the head principal decided I was his target, and he made my time there absolute hell. Truly, it was awful working there.
But if I hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have met my husband. This school district was the only one I applied to in this particular area that placed me in a location where I would attend a certain church. The same church my now-husband attended. I’d decided to stick it out a second year at this school, and it was in that second year that my husband and I started dating.
Another time I was at youth camp, and a girl who’d gone to camp with us the year before and had accepted Christ pulled me outside on the first night to talk. She’d had a horrible year since camp the year before. Friend problems, parent problems, faith problems. As we were talking, I sensed demons all around her. I have never before, nor ever since, sensed demons. I’m Baptist; we don’t do that.
A few years later, that same kid called me. We didn’t see her after camp, but I always sent her a Christmas card to let her know we love her. She was calling to thank me for that. She went on to say that she’d had a it rough after camp, and she’d tried to kill herself. She spent time in the psych ward, and she had her life together again, but she wanted to thank me for always being a presence in her life, even if we hadn’t seen each other in a long time. I’ve never felt quite so humbled. First, her call confirmed that what I’d sensed at camp was real, and second, I was so touched to know that a Christmas card each year could mean so much to someone. It totally had to be a God thing that I always felt compelled to send her a card, because I don’t do that with all of our former youth kids.
We received an invitation to her wedding last summer.
And finally, a small, but sweet thing. I used to take care of a cat I called Jake the Stray. We fed him and provided a warm box on the back porch for him to sleep in. Whenever a really bad storm came through, I’d worry about him and pray for protection for him. Every single time I prayed that over him, he’d show up on the back porch within 5 minutes. I always love knowing how God cares about the least of his creatures.
May 15, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Thanks for sharing, ewokgirl. I was starting to think I was a thread killa.
May 15, 2009 at 5:30 pm
ewokgirl, thanks for sharing your stories. I am always amazed at how the Lord uses things in people’s lives and we hear about it years down the road.
May 15, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Marcia,
Just wanted to let you know that I could relate in several ways to what you wrote. Thank you.
I will have to think about the questions posed at the beginning of this thread and see if I can share some of my struggles, as of late, as they pertain to the questions.
May 16, 2009 at 12:05 am
I just know He’s there.
I know it, and I’d have to turn off my brain to think otherwise.
The stubborn conviction will not go away, despite my best efforts.
Believe me, I’ve tried.
A sibling of mine had an experience with a healing service. Some things could be explained away by illness, like the spasms, but others could not. Like their arm going numb and then when a crucifix was placed on their hand, that spot (and ONLY that spot) began to burn as though on fire.
I saw a visible change in them too. Though still ill, they were not so dark. There was no longer that sense of danger, depression, and general darkness. There was hope where there hadn’t been there before.
One of my friends has a heart condition, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Basically, her heart has too much muscle (I think, correct me if I am wrong) in one of the ventricles and it could stop anytime. Day, night, in the pool, doing homework, in the bathroom, anywhere. Her heart stopped at school, in the middle of class, and our teacher was well-trained in CPR. She barely made it.
There was one time where I “heard” God speak to me. It was this thought that came out of no where. I was struggling with severe depression and some of my previous eating issues were coming up. Anyway, I was having this internal beat down (listing faults, insulting myself, calling myself horrible things etc.) when this little thought said, “How dare you insult My creation,” right in the middle of my lecture. Very kind, gentle, not angry, just sad, as though on the verge of tears.
I don’t feel God.
I don’t understand Him.
I hardly pray because it just feels like a joke.
Most times, I don’t like thinking about Him.
God is distant from me, but right here at the same time.
I just know He’s there, as much as I tried to get rid of the idea of God, it won’t budge, it’s too stubborn. And that is what keeps me going.
Marcia,
I have to admire you. The medical field is brutal, and I have always looked up to those who treat the sick. Especially those who treat the sick with compassion. I read your blog, and your loving heart comes through the words. I can hear you hurting for every one of those patients, feeling their pain as though it were your own.
I have been sick for years now, but I remember the nurses and doctors (there were only a few) who actually cared.
It was people like you that made me want to become a nurse.
It was the people like you who gave me hope, even when suicide was looking like a wonderful gift.
It was the people like you who gave me encouragement that eventually the correct diagnosis would be made, even when others said it was all in my head.
Thank you.
May 17, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Nicole, thank you so much for your kind words. I can’t even begin to describe how frustrating and heartbreaking my work is, but if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be able to do it.
Thank you also for sharing about your belief in God—and being so honest about it.